The Leadin' Road to Donegal

The Leadin' Road to Donegal*

'TWAS this was the way

Thady Eooney was a tailyer be trade, and

Molly Maguire was as purty a hand at the

spinnin' wheel as ye'd meet in the five par-

ishes. Thady was a clane, stout, sthrappin',

fine, ecktive fellow, and as daicent as his

father afore him and that's sayin' a dale

for him. Molly was a brave, sonsy, likely

lassy, that knew how to get the blind side of

the boys, and as clane-stepped a gissach as

thripped to Mass on a Sunday. Now, Thady

was on the lookout for a bit of a naybour's

daughter that would be shootable to take

care of him; and Molly well, throgs, Molly

had no sort of objections to takin' care of

a naybour's son, purvided she got one to her

likin'. So, as might be expected, Thady

• The skeleton of this tale is traditional, and to be

met with in many parts of the North of Ireland,

applied to various towns.

yocked,* and he put his comether on Molly,

and Molly, she blarneyed Thady to his

heart's content, till the end of it was as was

nath'ral they both marrid an' settled down,

to stick to one another for betther or worse,

through fair an' through foul. An' Thady,

who was as industhrus a man as ivir laid

down his two hands, set to work, an' he built

as tight an' snug a bit of a cabin as ye'd may-

be ax to see, jist on a bit of waste ground

at a cross-roads where five roads met, and

himself and Molly moved intil it; an' Thady

went on with his tailyerin', and Molly with

her spinnin', and him whistlin' and her sing-

in' with wee inthervals of love-makin' as

merry as the larks and as happy as the day

was long. And for nearly twelve months

that pair was held up as a moral for the

counthry for miles about, and it was a de-

light to pass by their door and listen to their

light-heartedness. In all that time an awk-

'ard word nivir crossed the lips of the one or

the other of them. But, as ill-luck would

have it, the divil for it was no other

tempted them to agree one night that they

• Began.

could do worse nor buy a slip of a pig.

Which of them was so misfortunate as to in-

therduce the subject I can't tell, but anyhow

the bit of a sucker pig was bought and

fetched home, an' a snug wee bed of nice,

clane, oat sthraw Molly spread for it in the

one corner in the tother end of the house

from their own bed. And that night Thady

had a bad dhraim. He dhraimt that the

goose an' the lap-boord, afther doin' a couple

of very lively hornpipes an' a single reel on

the floor, sat down on the bed to make love,

plantin' themselves right atop of his stom-

ach. And with that he wakened up, and be

the powdhers of war, what does he find lyin'

across him on the bed but the sucker pig!

"Husthee! husthee!" says Thady, givin'

the pig a couple of smart slaps that sent it

skurryin' an' gruntin' away to its own corner

again.

" Molly," says Thady, " I seen pigs in me

day with more modesty than that wee pig of

ours."

"Arrah, Thady," says Molly, says she,

" sure what great wit could ye be afther ex-

pectin' of the lakes of it, the crathur? Sure,

it's what it felt lonely, jist lake a Christian

would, an' hearin' you snorin' as ye know

ye do, Thady, in yer sleep, the crathur come

up to ye, thinkin' it was maybe its mother

was in it."

"Well, I'm sure, Molly," says Thady,

"that I feel ondher a mighty great favour

to it intirely for the compliment it done me;

but all the same, mother or no mother, I'd

thank it to keep its distance, and know its

place for the time to come."

Well, that fared well till the nixt night

wore round, an' Thady had the very self-

same oncommon, wondherful dhraim about

the lap-boord and the goose; and wakenin'

up lake the night afore, there was me brave

sucker pig settlin' himself for a sleep atop

of Thady, as much at home as an alderman

in an aisy-chair!

"Husthee! husthee! Molly Maguire, I'm

sorry to say that sucker pig of yours has

very small manners."

"Arrah, Thady Eooney," says Molly,

" can't ye not be reflectin' on the bit of an

orphan pig, that isn't come to the time of

day to have sinse? Maybe, Thady avour-

neen, whin ye were lake it yerself, ye might

put yer manners in yer weskit pocket, and

no one miss them much."

" No odds for that, Molly Maguire," says

Thady. "Ye mind the ould copy-book

headline that said, ' Too much familiarity

breeds contimpt,' and I considher that

sucker pig is pushin' his familiarity on me

rather farther than I wish for. I put cor-

rackshin on him on'y last night for the same

dhirty action, and I thought it was a lesson

to him, but it saims he can't take a hint

onless ye impress it on him, with a stout

stick; an' throth, Molly, an' I'm tellin'

it to ye now, if I have to dhraw me

hand over him again, he'll know what it's

for."

" Faith, Thady Kooney," says Molly, " it's

well it becomes ye to talk that way of the

poor baste that didn't know, no more than

that bed-post there, what ye were layin' the

corrackshin on it for. If the crathur only

gets time it'll gather sense yet."

" That's all very good, Molly," says Thady,

"but if I don't corrackt it I'm sure you'll

not, and a nice pig we'll make of it then,

won't we, without breedin' or daicency; it'll

scandalise us over the parish, that's what it'll

do. If it has a mind to pick up sense it had

betther be quick about it, or my patience 'ill

wear out, and I'll be tempted to do somethin*

that 'ill make it regret it didn't pick itself

up in time."

Well, as they say in the stories, that fared

well that night again, and it didn't fare ill,

and the nixt night wore round. And me

bould Thady dhraimt the very same dhraim

that third night again, and he bounced

up in the bed, tumblin' the pig off ontil

the floor, and it run away gruntin' to its

corner.

" Great Goghendies! but it's me's the suf-

f erin' man," says Thady. " Molly Maguire,"

says he, " get up and put breedin' on yer

pig!"

" Nobbut, Thady Kooney," says Molly,

"get you up and put breedin' on your own

Pig!"

"Ye lie!" says Thady.

"Thanky, Misther Eooney," says Molly,

"it's only a well-wisher would tell me my

faults."

" The pig's none of mine, or he'd know

betther," says Thady.

"The pig is yours, andjeo signs on him,

he's as conthrairy as his masther," says

Molly.

" Throth, then, if I'm conthrairy," says

Thady, " I could blow me breath on them

smit me."

" Maybe, then, that same wouldn't be cov-

eted, for it was the ill day for some people

when yer onlucky breath come about them

first."

" I wish to the Lord them people had

thought that twelve months ago! If they

had, I could have been a happy man this

night, an' own for a wife the pick of the

parish, instead of bein' the miserable divil

I am, with the ugly, good-for-nothin'

cross-grained spitfire of a woman that the

priest makes me call me own now," says

Thady.

" Well, Thady Rooney, I wisli to the Lord

the same! " says Molly. " An' as regards

yer bein' a miserable divil, I agree with ye

there, too. No one ivir accused Thady

Rooney, or one belonging to him, of bein'

anything else all their lives but miserable

divils an' miserable, lazy divils, too. About

the pick of the parish ye got that ivery

one give in ye got that and sure it was the

nine days' wondher how such a miserable,

spavined, ill-formed, yallow rickle of skin

and bone, with a countenance as forbiddin'

as ould Nick's himself, with a hump on his

back and a halt in his step, and his two eyes

watchin' each other like murdher across his

snub nose, for fear one of them would be

af ther takin' the advantage of the other

sure I say it was the nine days' wondher what

the dickens she could see in ye that made her

take ye, barrin' it was bekase she knew ye

would be so safe on her hands that no one

but the divil would think of runnin' away

with ye, and even him atself would be only

too glad to fetch ye back as not worth yer

room. And throth, I may tell ye, that that

eame nine days' wondher to them has been

a nine months' wondher to me, an' if the

divil curses me with ye much longer, I'm

misdoubtin' me but the wondher 'ill wear

me out me life."

"Ay, there she goes now," says Thady,

" there she goes. Jist set her tongue agoing

and Boneyparty himself, at the head of all

his rajiments, couldn't stop it."

" Faix, and it's no wondher, for it's sorely

fetched out of me, when I have a skin-flint

such as you to dale with," says Molly. " But

at the same time, maybe I could hould me

tongue with you, Thady Kooney."

" I doubt it, Molly Maguire," says Thady,

says he.

" Do ye, throgs? " says Molly.

" I do, medam," says Thady.

" Well and good then," says Molly. " I'll

thry ye out for it; and let it be that the first

spaiks a word, bad, good, or ondifferent, 'ill

have to mind the pig."

" Done," says Thady, and he slaps his

knee.

Well, be the hokey, that was the quan-

dharry. The conthrariness begun to work

Molly, an' up she bounces, though it wasn't

more nor the middle of the night, and put-

tin' on a good rousin, blazin' fire, and boilin'

as sthrong a dhrap of tay as iver come out

of the black pandy, to rise her heart, she sits

herself down to her spinnin' wheel and starts

spinning at the same time humming " The

Geese in the Bog/' this way*

at such a rate that Thady, poor man, might

as well think of sleeping in a beeskep. But

TEady wasn't going to allow himself to be

aggerivated into spaiking so aisy as that. So

up me brave Thady jumps, and afther a pit-

cher of tay that was enough to lift a man's

heart up through the riggin', he crosses his

legs on the table, and dhrawin' a pair of half-

finished trousers that he was doin' for Father

Luke to him, he stharts sewing the trousers

and whistlih' " The Black Joke," lake this

Phew-ew-ew-ew-ew ew-w - ew-evr-w . ev-ew-ew

ew-ew-ew.ew-cw.eiT . ew-rw-ew-ew-ew-ew - w.w.w.w"

And there the two of them pegged away,

and lilted and whistled away like a pair of

thrushes; and, if ye'd believe their purtend-

in', ye wouldn't know which of them had the

lightest heart.

• To be as effective as intended, parts of this story

must be acted rather than read.

And whin Molly, the cra-

thur, got tired of " The Geese in the Bog,"

she started on " Larry O'Gaff," and Thady,

poor man, whistled up " Go to the divil and

shake yerself " with a vingince that was

enough to loosen any woman's tongue. But

Molly was good grit, and she only spun

harder and put more life into the lilt. And

things went on this way till in the coorse of

a little time a pony and thrap dhruv up till

the door with a jintleman and his sarvint in

it. The jintleman was makin' the best of

his way for the town of Dinnygal, and bein*

a stranger in them parts, and not knowin*

the right road when he came to the cross,

and seein' the light in the wee cabin, he pulls

up his pony, and says he to his sarvint, says

he,- '

" Go intil that house and ax them if they'd

kindly diract ye the leadin' road to Dinny-

gal."

So the sarvint lifts the latch of the door,

and ye'll be afther believin' he opened his

eyes purty wide when he seen Molly spinnin*

and liltin', and Thady sewin' and whistlin*

with as much unconsarn as if it was twelve

o'clock in the day with them.

" God save all here," says he. " Isn't this

the purty night entirely? "

Molly lifted her head and looked at him,

and then went on with her spinnin' and

hummin/ and Thady lifted his head and

looked at him, and then went on with his

sewin' and whistlin' again, but naither of

them said dliirum or dliarum.

The sarvint was a trifle mismoved at this,

but he walked up closer to Thady, who was

now whistlin' " The girl I left behind me,"

and he says, says he,

"It's benighted we are, meself and the

masther without, and we'd feel obligated to

ye if ye'd kindly put us on the leadin' road

to Dinnygal."

Thady wint on with his work unconsarned,

and says,

" Phew-ew-ew-ew-ew-ew - ew - ew cw-ew - ew-ew - evt-tw-ew-ew -ev-ea"

says Thady, says he, comin* down hard on

the last bar or so, an* without ivir movin'

his eyes off his work timin' it with three

or four shakes of the head in the dirackshin

of Molly, as much as to say, "Ax her, and

sEe'll tell ye."

Then the sarvint turned to Molly, and

says he,

" Prosper the work, good woman, and

could ye oblige meself and the man without

he puttin' us on the leadin' road to Dinny-

gal?"

Me hrave Molly was spinnin' away and

hummin' away at " There's nae gude luck

about the house," and she wint on with her

work, but makes answer,

"Him* ira im 1m tiu - im Ira im t'm .  

says Molly, says she, hummin' away, an*

without liftin' lier eyes off her work, only

jist like Thady comin' down hard on the

last bar or two, and timin' it with three or

four shakes of her head in the dirackshin of

Thady, as much as to say, " Jist let his lord-

ship himself tell ye."

Faix, at this the poor man made for the

door, as if there was a rajiment at his heels,

and goin' up to his masther says,

" We'd betther be takin' the first road

come handiest to get out of this, for it's a

branch office of the asylum for oncurable

lunatics, is that cabin there."

" Get out, ye omadhaun," says the jintle-

man. " Did ye not make out the leadin'

road to Dinnygal ? " says he.

" No, I made out the leadin' road to the

door," says the sarvint, "thanks be to Pro-

vidince for his marcy; and it was the speed

of me heels carried me out of it. I seen

mad men and mad weemen," says he, " in

me time, but the lake of what's goin' on in

thondher I nivir rested me eyes on afore and

trust I nivir may again."

" Confound ye for a numskull," says the

jintleman, jumpin' down and throwin' the

sarvint the reins. " Hould them things till

I find out the road."

" God bliss ye and send ye safe back," says

the sarvint, as the jintleman wint in of the

door.

The jintleman marched up to Thady, who

was sewin' away and whistlin' away without

ivir liftin' his head, and, says he,

"Could ye tell me, good man," says he,

" or give me the dirackshins of the leadin*

road to Dinnygal ? "

Thady went on with his work, and re-

plied,

Phewee Phew-ee w . w - e w w - ew -

says Thady, says he, indycatin' him for to

ax Molly as afore.

Then the jintleman wint up to Molly, who

was as busy at her work as what Thady was

at his.

" Prosper the work, good woman/' says

he, " and could ye dirackt me on the leadin*

road to Dinnygal?"

Molly nivir lifted her head, but answers

him,

"Ilim . im.tan-fan.fan im.bn.im.to

says Molly, says she, sendin* him back the

same way to Thady for information.

And there he was in the quandharry.

" Ah, be this and be that," says he to him-

self at last, " Til bait the biggest button on

my coat that I make ye spake, ye ould hay-

thin', ye," says he to himself, refarrin' to

Thady.

So with that he thurns to Molly again,

and says,

"Well, in throth, me good woman, ye

mightn't be ashamed to open that purty

little mouth o' yours to reply to a sthranger,

for though it's afore yer face I say it I'd

thravel far afore I'd see another mouth as

coaxin'," says he.

"Him . im lin Ipi-im lm-lm-lm.fcn.

says Molly, says she, hack to him, but this

time she did look up from her work, throwin'

the most sootherin', deludhrin', coaxin', sly

look at him sideways, an' noddin' her head

to him on the last notes, mainin', " Throth,

ye spake thrue there, good man, but how do

ye lake me now? "

"I think, good man," says he, then,

thurning to Thady "I think, good man,"

says he, " ye would hardly refuse a sthranger

jist the laste little taste of a kiss from that

purty little wife o' yours," says he.

lew-w^w-ew^w-ew-ew-w.ew.ew.ew.*w-a.n---e"

says Thady, says he, gettin' as black in the

countenance as a thurf, an* shakin' his fist

three times on the last notes, right in the

sthranger's face.

" Now, what do ye say to that yerself, me

purty little woman? " says the jintleman,

thurnin' to Molly.

' Him 1m - Im-lm - to - la tm-lra  

says Molly, says she, givin' him another of

her sootherin' looks, an' waggin' him on with

three wags of her forefinger an' her head,

as she come out with the last notes.

" Oh, ye natarnal hussy, ye, I knew it was

in ye," says Thady, jumpin' off the boord

in a thimdherin' rage.

"All right, Thady," says Molly, says she,

jumpin' up and clappin' her hands with de-

light. " All right, Thady," says she, " You

MIND THE Pig! "